Jokes

[knowjesus_knowlove]

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary
school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of
apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only
ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at
the other end of the table, was a large pile of chocolate chip
cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is
watching the apples."

[knowjesus_knowlove]

Bravery


A man appears before St. Peter at the pearly gates.
Have you ever done anything of particular merit
St. Peter asks.
Well, I can think of one thing; the man offers.
On a trip to the Hills, out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of high-testosterone bikers who were threatening a young woman.
I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen.
So I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker.
I smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground, and told him, Leave her alone or you'll answer to me
St. Peter was impressed.
When did this happen?
Oh, just a couple minutes ago.

[knowjesus_knowlove]

i luff egybt

After her interview with Taha..The foreign reporter moves on and approaches another random guy trying to cover other aspects of the Egyptian mentality:
Reporter:Hello
Egyptian:Welcun to egybt
Reporter:thank u ..may i interview u?
Egyptian:Ofcors
Reporter:What's ur name?
Egyptian:3essam
Reporter:Sex?
3essam:I can't..i have wife and sons
Reporter(remembering Taha):Sorry..my mistake..male..Ok Mr.Essam..What do u do?..(remembering Taha again)..sorry..i mean do u work?
3essam:Yas..i have koshk
Reporter:koshk?..what is a koshk?
3essam:small subarmarkot..u undurstand?..I sell cigarettes..boxes and fart
Reporter:Dont u think somking is bad for people?
3essam:I dont hit beoble on zer hand and make zem smoke..az we say here in Egybt..(ur brain in ur head..u know where u finish)
Reporter:I dont get it...but lets move on ....How do u feel about terrorism?
3essam:Terrorism is good..we love terrorisms in egybt..they bring dollars to za cantry..and zey all light Egybt..az we say here in egybt...nawart masr
Reporter:I am shocked to hear that
3essam:NO NO..dont shock..we are like zis..and our fazarz waz like zis..we love terrorisms and make zem feel at home...becoz zey bring a lot of money to za cantry and guvurment
Reporter:R u claiming that Terrorists support the Egyptian government financially?
3essam:Sbeak again bleez
Reporter:I mean,R u saying that terrorists are paying money to the Egyptian government?
3essam:Ofcorse zey bay...zey one of za most imbortant bay to za cantry..terrorists,and Sewiss canal and za high sadd in Aswan
Reporter:Oh my god..that is very disturbing...do u have any idea where do they reside in Egypt?
3essam:Sbeak again
Reporter:where terrosits stay in Egypt
3essam: Zey love Sharm El Sheikh..also Khan el Khalili to buy sofoneer and drink shisha
Reporter:oh yes..i can totally relate..we heard about bombings there a couple of years ago...Why do u think the police doesn't capture those terrorists?
3essam:Bolice here in egybt..very good..zey brotect terrorists very well..dont warry..dont zey brotect u?
Reporter:why do i need protection?
3essam:Because u r terrorist
Reprter:Absolutely not
3essam:u look like zem
Reporter:Do I?
3essam:yas..wite skin..no clozes and no sbeak arabic
Reporter:OH MY GOD..U MISSUNDERSTOOD MY QUESTIONS
3essam:Sank u very much..
Reporter:I'm sorry..i'll have to end this now before it leads to more wrong information
3essam:sbeak again
Reporter:I have to go now
3essam:No brobrem..u light Egybt

received by e-mail

[TINA_bent_yaso3]

OMG they are the funniest jokes I've ever read
thanks KK
God bless you more ,and more

[ريجان]

thanks brother

it's realy so funny

god bless u

[Jene]

thanks alot they are really funny
may god bless u

[مسلمة01]

thanks

[El-Basha]

Three blokes - a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden and an Aussie

Engineer are all working together one day and they come across a
Lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give each of you one wish,
Which is three wishes in total" says the Genie.


The Canadian says, "I am a farmer and my son will also farm. I want
The land to be forever fertile in Canada." POOOOFF! With the blink of
The Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever fertile for farming.

Osama bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around
Afghanistan,Lebanon, Palestine, Iraq and Iran so that no infidels,
Americans,English or Australians can come into our precious state." POOOFF!
Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around
Those countries.

The Aussie Engineer says, "I am very curious. Please tell me more
About this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 5000 feet
High, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the countries. Nothing can
Get in or out; it's totally impenetrable." The Aussie Engineer sits
Down, cracks a beer, smiles and says, "Fill it with water".........

[knowjesus_knowlove]

The absolute best Little Johnnie joke



Little Johnnie's neighbour had a baby.
Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.



When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie's family was
invited over to see the
baby.

Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and
explained that the baby
had no ears.

His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the
baby's missing ears or even
said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came
back home.
Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely.

When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby."
The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnnie.

Johnnie said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a
cute little nose and
really beautiful eyes. Can he see?"

"Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will
have 20/20 vision."

"That's great", said Little Johnnie," coz he'd be miserable if he needed
glasses".